Friday 07.26.2019 ink&rage
I felt so great to start and then it turned into a
No good. Very Shitty Day.
It all went wrong when I clocked in
System breakdowns all around.
Didn’t do the dorms.
The pizza went to a better place.
Gunning it down the street. Trying to get from one address to the next.
Pick up order, check.
Where to next?
“System failure, please try again later.”
I enlarge the fuzzy map as best I can see it, decide I’m going to find the address on my own.
But the map is vague, with no number, street, no phone number to call.
And all support help from the fucking app failed miserably.
So I drove out to some trailer-hood.
Running door to door, trying to find the pizza person.
This was suppose to be easy work…
Everyone’s shaking heads at me “no.”
A spanish man points me in potential directions.
“I’ll buy it from you if you can’t find them.” He offers.
I troll around a while longer.
Standing in the middle of the street of the poor part of fort Collins posh, Colorado, with a couple of pizza boxes.
I start not caring about all that “right” stuff. Professional bullshit. I was finally among humans.
“Delivery, must be hard…” the Spanish man said to me.
Just like the dorm but said, “Living in the dorms, it must be hard…”
These people are like guardian angels sent to you at your lowest points. To show there are humans out there and remind you that you are one.
Real humans find you when you need to be found.
The man paid me 20 bucks
“Pizza!" he and the kids shouted.
then ran up and slipped 5 more bucks in my window.
555 going strong and I felt a major shift coming on.
We are tribal creatures I am so grateful for those kind jems—they come at exactly the right time.
Running around with a pizza box, I would have thrown it,
Smashed it on the ground,
If that man and his family hadn’t have wanted it.
I thanked him saying, my whole day had been shit, but this made up for it.” his kindness. His humanness.
The only person to look at me all day as a person, not a fuck up.
I felt more at home standing in that neighborhood by my car than driving back to the posh part of town.
shuttling from one location to another.
Clicking buttons like a video game.
The place don’t resonate.
People are distant plug-ins
Let’s connect, but we’re not
Ticks, clicks, dicks and quips.
Look a like place to place,
Livin’ on an expiration date.
visitor, resident, local…
Where the fuck are we now?
Who are we? Who are we fucking?
No one in particular…
Haven’t got a clue.
The people of this world are alone
Spinning in self judgment,
struggling to connect.
The clock is always running,
why waste any amount of seconds small talking?
Always in the preface and never in the story.
Is it me against the world?
The strangest sensation is being in the present moment.
What’s it worth to you?
You wanna tell me true or
You want more diluted versions of I don’t know who?
give me the keys, don’t gotta lease,
run if I please, dodgin’ them fees,
to get a reprieve.
And I’m brand new, like you--
Straight from the ashes.
Craving fresh life,
Cause I’ll all out of old.
Tell me you love me,
Know that you hate me.
What you been up to lately?
I don’t give a damn frankly.
Can’t help if I see you--
Can’t avoid you in my dreams.
Memories are the cobwebs in our heads,
And they’re full of screams.
How many times I gotta say you’re not my issue,
I don’t miss you.
Wherever we’re goin’,
We go free.
That’s no bluff,
That’s just me.
Ditch your décor, we real one own the night.
Share your art
To show your heart.
Sketching is a good place to start.
Blueprint of your life,
Maybe someone will love you right.
What a night,
There’s no fright.
Use and try with all your might.
It’s your life.
Higher than a kite.
It’s the life--
Just livin’ life--
Cut the striff.
Ridin’ real, that’s my deal.
Alive is where I wanna be,
Where everything I do,
I do as me.
That’s the key to being free.
Don’t ever lie to me.
All that time when it was you and me, but never we.
Guess it’s the way it had to be.
Had me thinking,
Had me feeling,
Something was wrong with me.
Came on strong
And lingered too long.
It’s not real until we make it,
In the meantime, lets not fake it.
Choose it and it’s yours,
Disappointment opens doors.
“Let’s entertain these bores.”
Glaring at us but they’re the ones that are whores.
Get ‘em crawling on all fours.
They’re the ones who start the wars.
Magic work says the approaching cat.
Where’s there’s truth, there’s magic.
Power in independence.
Only there can you find that all we’re told is impossible is in fact possible.
So the story goes…
You have the manifesting powers you’re asking for in the external.
Behind the door is another doorway closer to your core.
Not discovering, just admitting your destiny to you.
Your destiny is just your true desires.
The breaths I’ve taken,
the breaths you’ve taken from me.
The breaths, the breaths I take now from no one in particular.
The breaths to chisel the time of our lives, inch by inch.
Beating breaths, on the great escape, bathed in sweat,
straining for that breath of higher consciousness.
For a moment.
For a breath.
Flooded head, calm and free,
as our pre-designed world will never allow us to be.
The breath taken just to move along.
The steady breaths in full rhythm of the slumber realm.
The breaths to take us from one level to the next.
with a breath.
Roll up all the smokes you can get your hands on.
Everything feels like slow motion.
Cogs in the routine.
Up in the middle of the night.
Where’s the bud, where’s the buddy?
Gotta get off, gotta jump off, can’t get off this fucked up merry go round. Can you see it? can they see it?
Spinning in a painted circle
I just wanna feel it.
They’re so content to live the numb lifestyle I’ve never developed a tolerance for.
They, you, me, who the fuck is who?
to cold to care,
Sweating too much in the summer air.
Thirsty or crazy,
On a good day I’m just hazy.
Don’t know where I’m going but I don’t feel like I’m here.
Music is your friends.
Stuck surrounded by this lot,
I fuck not.
We say “storm’s coming”, but the storm’s already here.
If you’re working for anything,
you’re living in the storm.
Not much time for breaks,
We take the time-outs from the storm
but the storm keeps going with or without us.
Life is the storm.
Roll with it,
Wait it out,
the storm keeps going without us.